Once a Queen
by ImagineShine
Summary: Susan is grieving; not just for her friends, but for the lies she told herself. Can Susan face the truth of why she "lost faith" and return to Narnia? With a simple phrase, she just might: Once a Queen...


**AN: I got this idea after reading _Of Lipstick, Nylons and Invitations _By Algie888. I had always wondered why Susan lost faith; and what happened to her after Last Battle. This is my version of why and what. So enjoy...**

**Once a Queen…**

Susan cried herself to sleep as she had every night since the train wreck a month before. Normally she saw their faces in her sleep: Lucy, Edmund, Peter, Eustance, Jill, Polly, Diggory. Tonight was different; scenes flashed before her eyes.

_She was wearing a large fur coat; a wardrobe full of similar coats behind her and a snowy wood in front of her, a lamppost standing alone in the midst of it. Father Christmas was handing her a bow and quiver of arrows; and a beautiful ivory horn. Peter fought with a large wolf as she and Lucy hid in a tree. A golden lion was tied to a stone platform and a tall woman plunged a knife into his heart. She and Lucy were riding that same lion towards a battle. She, Peter, and Lucy were knelt around a mortally wounded Edmund. _

_A coronation ceremony; her siblings stood beside her as the golden lion approached with a faun- who was holding a platter on which rested four crowns. A prince of some foreign country raving at her and her siblings. A ride through the forest, a lamppost in the wood; pine boughs turned to heavy fur coats. She and her siblings fell out of a wardrobe at the feet of Professor Diggory._

_They were standing at a train station, all a little older; the wind roared and the train station was a cave. She knelt and picked up a golden centaur chess piece. Tearing down an old rotting door and descending stairs into a magnificent treasure room. Pulling her bow and quiver off a hook on the wall, then looking in vain for the ivory horn. Peter and Edmund jumped into the water to pull out a tied dwarf. The golden lion again. A tall boy with dark hair. _

_Peter facing a much older man in one on one combat. That man falling at the hands of one of his own men- with one of her arrows. A battle to the river as Lucy and the lion appeared. The enemy surrendering in fear as the water and trees came to life. Another coronation; this one for the dark haired boy. Walking through a doorway in the air and appearing back at the train station. _

Susan woke, "Narnia…"She whispered the name of that magical country she had convinced herself didn't exist; but the others still firmly believed in. They had always been happier than she was. Perhaps because she was lying to herself. She and Peter had been told they couldn't go back. That had been too much for her to bear so she told herself it was a game; to ease the pain. Sighing she lay back down and fell asleep again.

"_I know Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia… but I can't help wishing she was here. It must be terrible. We are all here and she has been left in the Shadowlands." Lucy stood in a magnificent garden with the faun from before- Mr. Tumnus- and the lion –Aslan- Lucy wore a Narnian gown. "One cannot feel glum here but I suppose I should be if one could." She said softly. "Aslan, is that wrong to want Susan?" Lucy turned to the golden lion. "No, child, it is not; but returning is her choice. She made the choice to deny Narnia." The lion responded in a gentle voice. "SUSAN! Susan, come back! We miss you so much! There are many wanting to meet you again…" _

Susan bolted up, sobbing. Aslan was right; she had denied Narnia and was left to suffer the consequences. She stumbled out of bed, barely noticing what she was doing and pulled her nightgown on. Tears blinded her as she ran down the stairs. "Susan!" The friends she was staying with met her in the parlor. "Susan where are you going?" She tore out of their grasp and ran out into the pouring rain, not knowing where she was going.

She found herself in the cemetery, standing before a cluster of seven graves. She had not been here since the funeral. Looking at three in particular and read the inscriptions aloud. "Edmund Pevensie, Lucy Pevensie, Peter Pevensie. Things never happens the same way twice." A new flood of tears fell down her cheeks and she sunk to her knees, her face in her hands. "Oh Aslan… Aslan… I'm s- so sorry. Don't- don't make me face this anymore."

She always had trouble believing things; unlike her siblings. She had needed Narnia more than the others did, so when she had been told she couldn't return it had broke her heart. She had figured pretending it hadn't happened was better than knowing she could never go back; or so she had thought. But in truth it just made it hurt more. She had faked the happiness in her life, the smiles and the laughs were fake and forced. She NEEDED Narnia. There she was a queen… here she was just Susan Pevensie. "Once a King or Queen of Narnia… always a King or Queen of Narnia…" the Lion's voice whispered in her ear.

"Aslan?" She looked up and through the rain she saw, not Aslan, but something else she never thought she'd see again, her ivory horn. With shaking hands she picked it up. She closed her eyes and heard again the words Father Christmas spoke when he gave her the horn;_ "When you put this horn to your lips and blow it, then, wherever you are, I think help of some kind will come to you." _ She slowly raised the horn to her lips and blew a long pure note. A laughing roar sounded in her ears; she opened her eyes to see Aslan standing in front of her.

"Welcome back my Daughter." She stood and threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his mane. "Aslan! Oh, Aslan… I have missed you. I've missed everyone." She sobbed uncontrollably for a few moments before Aslan gently breathed on her and she stopped crying. "Get on my back, Queen Susan. Narnia awaits your return." She settled onto his back and he began running.

And Queen Susan the Gentle truly smiled for the first time in over a year.

**AN: Hope you liked it. I'm pretty sure this is the end of this one. ;) I may do another featuring Edmund and Lucy at the beginning of the Golden Age... but I have absolutely NO WHERE to start. Ideas ****Appreciated. **

**Thanx- ImagineShine**


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